Archive for the ‘Childhood’ Category

Detaching – moving forward a new life

12/03/2013

When I returned home from the boarding school I returned to a kind of prison. I was only allowed to hang out and drink alcohol on Friday and Saturday due to the home contract. My parents had stated that they would abandon me to the social services. In Denmark that means group homes being guarded by people with no basic training or unemployed people hired from low income jobs. They are almost always placed outside the larger cities. Here in the Northern part of Jutland they are placed north of Aalborg where there is no job to get besides being a foster parent or work in a group home. The local politicians don’t supervise the group homes because they are afraid of losing jobs. The alternative was a foster family. They are also not educated and only in the job for money. It seemed like a real and serious threat.

So I took on schooling in my local public school. First it was hard because I hadn’t been there regular for some years. Then it became too easy. My school is in the eastern part of Aalborg where there are students from many countries. The standard had to be low. Otherwise they would not have been able to keep up. However it held me back. It was frustrating. We discussed private school but as I have stated before my parents are from the working class and private schools in Denmark are either only for the rich people or for families where the parents want to shun the Danish society due to religious reasons. I remember a story about a Christian School down in Fredericia. There they had used corporal punishment despite the fact that it had been banned for decades in Denmark.

So I had to stick it out. I graduated with high grades with no special effort. For a while I felt like I had wasted not only my time at the boarding school which properly would mark me for life but also at the public school, because while I had shown my parents that I had turned my life around, I never had such a boring period of my life. My parents detached their relationship with me. It seems that if I minded my school and didn’t come home drunk beside Friday and Saturday, our relationship would settle with a quiet dinner and nothing more. We rarely had anything to talk about. I guess that they just were happy and on the move to another part in their lives. Detachment must be the right word for it. They had made their point for the last time. They were finished being parents.

However, a good thing entered my life at that point. Alcohol and other unhealthy food items got an increased tax put upon them during these years. I needed money to hang out with my friends and my parents would not finance anti-social behavior as some would call it. I started working because I had so much time left due to the limited school work. Together with some friends I started a paint shop where we worked as sub-contractors for larger firms painting rooms and walls. We didn’t pay taxes because when you are a sub-contractor to a sub-contractor or yet another sub-contractor, taxes and vat get lost in the system. It doesn’t matter if you have a cleaning job or other kind of manual job. At some point accountants service the firms to get sub-contractors hired hidden from the authorities.

The work has very much financed my time in school and while it has ended due to stricter regulation which I will write about later it had enlightened my life and enabled me to socialize with peers at school and made participation in school trips possible.

When my time in the public school was over I started in high school – In Danish called the Gymnasium. I am going to write something about that in the next chapter of my life.

Advertisements

The boarding school experience

11/03/2013

When I reached 7th grade my peers meant more than my family. We discussed what to do. I don’t know who brought the subject up about boarding school but it was decided that I should try one when I had passed 8th grade. I had my finest year in 8th grade. My teachers would properly not agree as I often left after spending 2/3 of the day in school.

My grades were good. I guess that I lived on talent rather than hard work. Today I know that talent only takes you so far. You have to focus on what is important: Earning money and making yourself priorities. The other day I witnessed a traffic accident. I was not the reason for it so I didn’t stop either. I drove on and did a good job at a client earning good money. Where did I learn to focus so hard on my needs rather than others? At the boarding school!

August 2008 I arrived at the school. I had not picked it. We were recommended that the school was rather relaxed. I was expecting a year off because the drinking on weekdays was beginning to make me tired every day. I didn’t expect what I found.

Every single day they start singing. We had to run or walk 3 kilometers. They had fixed times for meals. They had fixed times for home work. It was soon too much. Not even in my room I had some privacy because I shared it with some boy I never learned the full name of.

Cell phones were banned for the first 3 months but I had smuggled one in on campus, so I sneaked out during the night to phone home. When I phoned my parents and asked to retire from the school, they said no until I had signed a home contract.

These Bastards! They had lured me out of my home to another part of the country. I was hundreds of miles from my home. Even I ran I had to have some money before I could return home. I was stuck.

I was choked. Why did my parents suddenly hate me? I knew that the interference of our government had damaged the family dynamic but was I no longer a part of the family. Had they kicked me out for real?

I had reached my breaking point. Later when I was older and researched the Internet I learned that most parents’ sites recommend max. 14 days to check whether the students can adjust. If it takes longer it is better that the parents pull the child.

I signed the home contract and we were soon on our way home. But something had changed. The relationship has changed. I stopped trusting them for real. While I did keep my part of the home contract making better grades, we stopped being a family. I was more a renter.

Today I find myself haunted by my boarding school experience. I missed a vital part of my childhood. I had no words for the extent of isolation I experienced at the boarding school. I cannot describe the feeling of being abandoned and betrayed by my parents.

Those 21 days was the hardest thing I had done in my life. However they also meant that I stopped thinking of others and started to look out for myself. I drink alcohol but I no longer drink alcohol to be a part of a group. I drink alcohol so I can use the group for my goals. I have changed everything upside down.

I hope that this part of my story tells the transformation and development of my character this stay at the boarding school resulted in. I returned home and the next part will be about my time in high school.

Growing up in Aalborg

10/03/2013

I was born in the early 1990’s. When I was born the good days had been over for some years. I happened to be born around the time when the political scene was captured by socialists who didn’t want to distance themselves from the crimes the world did learn about having been done in the Eastern Europe and the former Soviet Union.

It impacted much of my childhood. Our borders were wide open and crime started to rise here in Aalborg as result of the many cultures being mixed.

However I did have a happy childhood despite the Denmark being going through these dark years. I am an only child. My parents were doing odd jobs and their heritage is from the working class. They had some expectations for me. They wanted me to be the first boy in the family to graduate high school – a goal I expect to reach this summer.

Otherwise they just want me to be careful and find an easy life until retirement once my exam is on the book. But it is easier to say than being done because of the cuts among public servicemen. My goal was a paper job in the city administration not caring about what my job would be good for. I don’t really feel very much for anyone which I believe is a result of my stay at a boarding school.

My extended family consists of my father’s brother. He is a farmer north of the town. They run an entirely other life than we do. We are city people and because they live 30 kilometers away we see them once or twice per year due to the distance. My mother’s family live mostly on Zealand and it is so far away that it has been maybe 5 or 7 years since we visited them for a week. I don’t miss it. They cheat people and are in for fast money with quality in their jobs. It is not called “The Devil’s Island” for fun.

We as family have always kept us for ourselves and we bonded very fine as a family. When I entered the 6 grade I remember tasting my first beer. It was around that year the central government over in Copenhagen forbade youth under 15 to buy alcohol. My father was angry because I had been my task from when I was 10 years old to buy him 6 beers for the Saturday soccer games. Now the law distanced our relationship. Saturday was when I first learned to do chores and bond with my family in the only way a family should interact for the better good when the child does it chores voluntary. It was a sad time when it ended all because a government located far and being run by people living in a far distance from ordinary people.

Anyway when the Saturdays watching Television with my father while he was drinking beers and I was eating candy was over, I got new ideas for my weekends. I started to hang out with friends and some of them were older. They could buy beers legally and share them with us.

Slowly but steady I distanced myself from my family. Not by acting out but they were more servicing me than bonding with me as parents. That was when they cheated me and robbed my not only what was left of my childhood innocence making me the cynical person some of my classmates has told me I am, but also scared and bitter of what I missed out. All this is something you can read about in the next part of my life.


My Experience At Mountain Homes Youth Ranch

This is about my life changing experience at the not so fun troubled youth camp, MHYR.

birthe1951

Birthe født i 1951 - om mit liv og mine holdninger

Matt on Not-WordPress

Stuff and things.